


The Prison Visit of Lyfrassir Edda

by winter_hiems



Category: The Bifrost Incident - The Mechanisms (Album), The Mechanisms (Band)
Genre: Canon-Typical Injury, Canon-Typical Violence, Crack, Don't copy to another site, Flirting, Gen, Hijinks & Shenanigans, Light crack, Lyf Did Not Sign Up For This, M/M, Nobody in The Mechanisms is Straight, Where did you get that violin?, mild crack
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-02
Updated: 2021-03-02
Packaged: 2021-03-15 06:22:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 865
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29804253
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/winter_hiems/pseuds/winter_hiems
Summary: One of Lyf’s many duties was overseeing the imprisonment of the pirate crew who called themselves the Mechanisms. This was easier said than done.Every few months or so, he’d get a message from his superiors ordering him to remove all contraband from the Mechanisms’ shared cell. No matter how many times he tried to explain that such a thing was not possible, the people who paid his wages wouldn’t listen. So down he’d go to the prison to oversee the contraband removal personally.
Relationships: Lyfrassir Edda/Marius von Raum
Comments: 7
Kudos: 50





	The Prison Visit of Lyfrassir Edda

One of Lyf’s many duties was overseeing the imprisonment of the pirate crew who called themselves the Mechanisms. This was easier said than done. 

Every few months or so, he’d get a message from his superiors ordering him to remove all contraband from the Mechanisms’ shared cell. No matter how many times he tried to explain that such a thing was not possible, the people who paid his wages wouldn’t listen. So down he’d go to the prison. 

Baron Marius von Raum looked entirely too pleased at his arrival. “Ah, Inspector Lyf! What can we do for you today?” 

Lyf suppressed a groan and tried to keep his voice professional. “Contraband removal. You all know the drill.” 

The Mechanisms were led out of their cell under heavily armed guard, towards the room where they’d be strip-searched and given regulation prison jumpsuits to wear. 

“I don’t want to change out of my uniform,” said the Toy Soldier. “I like it. The prison clothes aren’t stylish.” 

“Tough,” said Lyf. “You’re changing. That’s the rules.” 

“But –” said the Toy Soldier, and then it began to – cry? Could Lyf call that crying? It was more like just standing there and making over-exaggerated ‘Waah’ noises, the Soldier’s face scrunched up as much as it was able into an unhappy expression. The Toy Soldier stopped. “That’s my best imitation of human crying. Does this mean I get to keep my uniform?” 

Lyf sighed heavily. “No. No it doesn’t.” 

“Fine,” said Jonny, “I’ll change. But the guards had better not get too handsy, otherwise it’ll remind me of the time when –” 

“No!” said Lyf, cutting Jonny off. “Whatever you’re about to say, I don’t want to hear it.” Knowing Jonny it would be a story involving lots of blood, guts, and copious violence, and Lyf had just had lunch. 

The prison guards had to wrestle a book out of Ivy’s hands. Lyf couldn’t read the language of the title, but it definitely wasn’t a book approved by the prison. 

The attempts to remove the book resulted in two dislocated shoulders, a broken arm, and a shattered kneecap. Lyf made a mental note to give a commendation for bravery to the woman who finally managed to get the book off Ivy. Last time, stopping Ivy from reading had resulted in a lot more bloodshed. 

As the Mechanisms were led away to exchange their clothes for jumpsuits, Lyf breathed a temporary sigh of relief. That could have gone a whole lot worse. 

“Okay,” he said to the remaining guards. “Search the cells. Remove all contraband.” 

In the end, the contraband they found filled an entire spare room, and Lyfrassir couldn’t figure out what half of it was. And how had they got their hands on so many solid gold bars? Well, the important thing was that it wasn’t in the Mechanisms’ cell any longer. 

After that the cell was searched for hidden passages. 

Nothing as usual. The mystery of how they managed to get their hands on all that contraband would remain a mystery. 

The Mechanisms were marched back to their cell and locked in. 

Lyf closed his eyes for a few moments and took some long, slow breaths. There. It was done. It was fine. It was all fine, he could go back to his office now and – 

There was a series of elaborate crashing sounds. 

Lyf opened his eyes. 

Whatever had happened while he wasn’t looking, he knew better than to check CCTV for. All there would be was a glitch, like the countless other times when this had happened. 

Jonny d’Ville and Gunpowder Tim were wearing three belts each, none of them regulation. Jonny had also managed to get his hands on a pistol that Lyf really hoped wasn’t loaded, but he knew better than to ask. 

Raphaella was pouring something from a test tube into a beaker that was set over a Bunsen burner which didn’t seem to be getting its flammable gas from anywhere visible. Lyf really hoped that the fumes coming off the beaker weren’t toxic. 

Ivy was nose-deep in a weighty, leather-bound tome that definitely hadn’t come out of the prison’s library. 

Drumbot Brian was wearing a top hat. Where the fuck did he get that from? Lyf had personally burned the last top hat that Brian had owned, but this hat looked completely identical. 

The Toy Soldier was in full Midgardian military uniform, and looked very pleased about this. Lyfrassir knew that within the week the other Mechanisms would also be dressed entirely in non-regulation clothing. 

Ashes was smoking a cigar. It was unclear how they had lit it; off Raphaella’s Bunsen, maybe? The tobacco smoke mingled with the fumes of the science experiment in a sickly fog. Lyf regretted having lunch before coming here. 

Marius, meanwhile… 

Marius von Raum reclined on the cell floor, a monocle over one eye, a red fresh-cut rose clamped between his teeth. His jumpsuit buttons were half-undone. “So, Inspector Lyf…” 

Lyf turned and fled. This happened every time. Every fucking time. 

He needed a raise. And a stiff drink. He felt warm under his uniform collar, and he didn’t want to think about why. It was probably just stress, right? 

**Author's Note:**

> Oh, Lyf. He’s got a lot to deal with.
> 
> The Toy Soldier’s fake crying is based off Janet’s imitation of human crying in The Good Place.
> 
> Comments and kudos are always welcome <3
> 
> Disclaimer: I do not own the characters. I am not making money from this work.


End file.
